“What is good about the draft dissertation and the Web-site:
First chapter title should be ‘The Brands’ – and you must introduce the general idea/definition of a brand, its function and place in our consumer society in a few paragraphs before you then introduce us to the Brand you are going to focus on (Chanel).
Your use of focus groups and questionnaires is extremely good – don’t hide the charts in the Appendices, use them as illustrations in your text. (Leave samples of the questionnaires in the Appendices) Also when you introduce your questionnaires, you must profile the groups involved in more detail. Give us their ages, gender etc right at the beginning. I’ll talk to you about this in class.
On the second page of the ‘Piracy’ chapter, you talk about a group of people in class who you talked to about piracy – again, give us as much detail as possible about these people when you first introduce them. They are not just ‘people in class’, but women, aged xx to xx, and anything else you can tell us about them – before you then disclose what they had to say.
A few pages later you talk about the difficulties of telling the difference between a real Chanel bag and a pirated one (it was a made up comparison)…why don’t you try a real experiment (you might not be able to do it with a Chanel bag but maybe you can do it with another brand).
We’ll discuss this all in class – but you have brought your dissertation to life with all of these discussions – good! This is a mode of research that works for you!
The Reflective Research Diary – excellent, good reflection and an interesting read
What could be improved?
We need to go over some of your paragraphing in class (you use long paragraphs and don’t always give your reader an opportunity to breathe!).
You need to have your text proofread… as we all do.
You need to credit your focus groups/questionnaires in your text with Harvard Referencing – and again in your Bibliography.
Keep going Jordan and get as much done as you can!”